As one might expect, the nationwide lockdown has been pretty awful for people who need public contact in order to function the way they do, perform their craft, or get drunk in a dimly-lit bar surrounded by barely-coherent friends who should all have their keys taken away.
But it’s that first category that Donald Trump falls into, and his problem is that he needs to do rallies. He needs the sight of adoring fans he can lead in chants, he needs to see his name emblazoned on hats and shirts, he needs to know he’s enveloped in the warm glow of idol worship that can come only from a genuine Trump rally.
Unfortunately, the first one he tried since the beginning of the quarantine was beset by madness from the start: He had to move the date because his original plan coincided with Juneteenth and took place at the site of the worst massacre of Black Americans in history. His campaign got trolled by social media kids who snatched up a bunch of their virtual “tickets” to the event, leading them to believe that there was a huge demand, and then (obviously) didn’t show up, making turnout look absolutely abysmal.
And the virus. Oh, the virus. Tulsa is now the site of a new outbreak of COVID-19, curiously about the length of the incubation period since that rally.
But the rally in Portsmouth, New Hampshire was supposed to change all of that.
You had Trump’s senior adviser Kellyanne Conway, fresh off of learning that her teenage daughter was a secret leftist commie who hates her mom’s boss, telling Fox News that “millions” of Trumpers wouldn’t be planning to attend:
People will decide whether they want to go. I think there are so many millions, literally, of Trump-Pence voters who don’t want to go to rallies because they are already supporting the President and they’re going to do what they can to get other people to support the President, but they don’t want to go to rallies because maybe they’re older or they have some of the underlying co-morbidities.”
You had his campaign team moving the location to an outdoor airplane hangar, much easier to socially distance in and much harder to get pictures of empty seats.
This one was going to be different than Tulsa.
So why, then, did Trump postpone the rally “for safety reasons,” according to Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany? Because of Tropical Storm Fay, which is, of course, coming nowhere near New Hampshire.
It may seem obvious that the Trump campaign has some inside information about people not showing up to this rally that they don’t want to share with the public, but if so, they’re not letting on. One imagines a Sharpiegate-style event in which Trump displays a map with an extended storm zone including the very podium he’d be standing at in Portsmouth.
But the weather service there, in case it wasn’t obvious to you that this was a hilariously blatant backpedal from an event they know is going to fail, went ahead and put an exclamation mark of the joke that Portsmouth is in the path of Fay:
Our forecast for Portsmouth at 8 PM on Saturday is Partly Cloudy and 78 F. https://t.co/gDVSocHiKp
— Keith Carson (@KeithCarson) July 10, 2020
Maybe the President just needs a few more weeks to practice his umbrella skills.
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